I will love you with every breath I take until my dying day. That day I will meet you again in that beautiful place that you told me about. Last year was spent in deep dispair and sorrow, this year was spent trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces of this broken life and put them back together in a way that you would be proud of, that I can be proud of. I have had to pick up each part of my heart, examine it and decide how I would reconstruct myself. It has caused so much soul searching. I have had to learn how to be alone with myself. That is a very difficult thing to be! The house is so silent sometimes, I feel like you could hear a pin drop and that I might go crazy if somebody doesn't make some noise! When you were around, things were never quiet.
I have learned that I am a survivor. I guess, I always knew that, but I was truly tested the past 3 1/2 years and I am still standing! I have learned that I can not fill the space where you are supposed to be, I tried in the beginning. Trying to be mother and father- nana and pop pop. We all miss you and there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do, is to try be the best mother, grandmother, friend, family, that I can be. Be a bigger person then I was before, to make up for what we are lacking without you here.
I have learned that true friends and family never leave, no matter how hard you push them away or retreat and that those who were not your true friend to begin with quickly fade away when times are tough, and that is OK!
Positive thinking can change your life, it shapes the person you are and those around you. Don't let negative or poison in from anywhere or anyone. It might be difficult at times but nobody is worth it.
The biggest gift you can give someone is to create a memory, a moment, or an adventure. No money or material item is more valueable. At the end of this life none of your material possessions mean anything! The memories you leave are golden.
We raised good kids! They are resiliant and powerful and they understand the gift of life and living to the fullest. Our grandchildren are our biggest legacy and nothing we do in this life will ever be as big as that!
Being a Widow is the worst club in the world to enter, but once you are there, you are embraced by a community bigger than anything I have ever know. I hated the "W" word, especially while you were fighting cancer and it was a possibility for me. I now understand that widows are the most powerful women in the world, I am proud to carry that title and proud of the ladies that share it with me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I am in amazing company! One person, can change the world these women give me strength and courage.
I close out year two, a little stronger and wiser than year one. Its a little bit easier but it will never be easy. I look forward to another year and to see what year three teaches me. And every year I live, brings me one year
closer to you! All my love, my brave fighter, my husband, my best friend!