I have learned that life goes on, it will never be the same and I am forever defined by the experiences I have been through. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of Dave and miss his laugh and teasing ways but I cherish what he taught me and I try live up to the way he lived his life out loud.
Relationships are everything…and nothing at all! This year has defined who my true friends and family are. I celebrated Live Loud Day with an absolute certainty of who really loves me and will stand by me. There are people I have lost along the way, and it is OK they were either never really my friend/family or the need for them to be in my life has passed. I wish them well, I wish them love and I move forward.
You can’t unlearn what you know. I know that people get sick, I know that people die, I know that not everybody can look past their judgments and see the person I am in my heart. Now I need to make sure that “knowing” does not hold me back. It is the biggest reason for Live Loud Day and what I will define my life with. These things do happen, I can’t change it, all I can do is live in the moment and try be an example for others to do the same.
I have made mistakes over the past 3 years (well my whole life) I have been living in a fog for a part of it. However, I am accountable for everything I do on this earth and I am accountable to my God and when I see Dave again. I have also done some good things with my learning’s I hope I can be judged equally.
It is possible to love again! It takes nothing away from the love I hold in my heart for Dave. It is totally different and completely real. One of my good friends explained it in the following way; when you have your 1st child you are absolutely positively in love with that child, your heart has expanded beyond anything you thought was possible. When you get pregnant with your second child you worry that you will never be able to love that child as much. When that child is born the love comes rushing in, every bit as powerful as the first, just different. That is how it is to love again as a widow.
The blessing in this loss is the understanding that we only get one life! We deserve to be happy! We are accountable for our own happiness! The world is a beautiful place, really pay attention to where you are and be thankful for the blessings. Every day we are able to get out of bed in the morning is a new opportunity to make our lives great, to help someone else, to try to make a positive difference in the world. Be grateful for the beauty of our world, the smell of the flowers, the touch of rain on our skin. The love of our families and the company of our furry friends. Live in the moment, LIVE LOUD! There is a whole lotta living left to do!