I am a horrible person, I say really mean things and I judge- all the time!  I think fat and cellulite are disgusting and wrinkles show a persons age (not character).  The interesting thing is that I only believe these things when it comes to myself.  Every time I look in the mirror, I only see what is wrong with me.  My face is wrinkled and falling, along with the rest of me.  I am overweight and not good enough.  When I look at a photo of myself I don't understand why anyone would ever say I was beautiful.  When I go on TV for an interview for my job, I hate the sound of my voice, how fat I look, my flat hair, it goes on...and on...and on...

I know it's horrible and I would NEVER say these things to someone else!  I would never even think them.  I also understand that I have major body image issues.  This weeks assignment took the longest of them all.  I know this is an area I need to work on and I really dove into the journaling and the art in an effort to bring these thoughts to life through art.  I spent hours on Pinterest and working on the assignments.  I would love to find some confidence. The collage that shows what I don't like about myself and the labels I carry was easy!  The part where I try to learn to embrace my weak side as well as my strong side was much harder.

I need to learn to love both of these sides and embrace them both equally.  I tried really hard to show that in my other collage.  This was the hardest one to wrap my head around and probably my favorite one so far.  This will always be an issue for me but I will continue to do the work.  I love the words "No Shame- No Blame".  I should not be ashamed of either side of myself and I should stop blaming the weak side for all of my issues.  

If you would like to take a Brave Girls class, I am giving away tuition ($99 value) for their new class Soul Comfort.  Please click here to learn more.   

I had an amazing childhood, full of dreams, old fashioned fun and adoring and caring parents.  I truly can say it was perfect!  Any of the hardships that came into my life when I became a teenager and in my early adult years were of my own doing.  I made poor choices, I lived on the edge and I challenged all the boundaries.  I know that my poor parents always wondered what they had done wrong.  The answer to that is NOTHING!  They were amazing, it was just in my personality to do things the hard way.  Sorry mom & dad!  

I have also worked really hard in my life, I provided for my family through all of the financial ups & down of their growing up years.  I set hard goals and I achieved them.  I bought my own house- all by myself!  I climbed the corporate ladder and went higher than even I thought would be possible, especially for a 16 year old teen mom.  This time I need to say thanks mom & dad!  

I have accomplished a lot in my life!  I have made a lot of mistakes!  

The hardest time of my life was when my husband, Dave got diagnosed with cancer!  I lost all control of my life, my family, my identity.  I became a caregiver and everything I did revolved around that.  Although, I can honestly say I am proud of the wife that I was through Dave's illness.  (Of course, I wasn't perfect and I would do it different if I had to do it again.)  I would love more, I would always love more!  Somewhere during his illness I gave up all responsibility for the control of my life.  I was so frustrated with everything around the illness that I couldn't control that I gave up on the things that I could.  My soul started to break along with my house, my sprinklers, my yard and my dreams.

When Dave passed away, my soul broke in half.  Big, jagged pieces that didn't fit back together again.  Like a puzzle missing some of the most important pieces.  I had already convinced myself that I couldn't control any of it so I didn't even try!  

When T came into my life he started to hold the pieces together.  He started to fix the obvious physical things that needed attention.  The house, the yard, the sprinklers, etc...  The problem is, it is not his job to fix me and he couldn't if he tried.  I knew I was broken, I owned that I was damaged, I just didn't know how to fix it.  I spent a lot of therapy hours trying to work it out.  I have a wonderful therapist and he helped me put bandages on the broken pieces but they still weren't coming back together.

I could help others but I couldn't help myself and I couldn't help the ones I loved the most.  I have always believed in a higher power, that if you listen hard enough you can find your answers.  I quit listening!  One night a few weeks ago, I was on the internet after taking Ambien.  In my Ambien induced state I purchased an online class called Soul Restoration (didn't even know until I got the receipt the next morning).  PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, it can turn out badly!  

I was too busy and there  was no way I could find time to do this class!  I was going to just eat the money and move on.  Shortly after, the bandages started coming off and I was falling apart.  I decided to listen to the part of me that bought the class and started to work through the assignments.  

I look forward to sharing my process with you and working toward healing the broken pieces.  I guess, the first step is admitting I have a problem!

I just did one of the coolest things ever!  I planned and danced in a Flash Mob for Valentine’s Day.  We represented One Billion Rising to make a statement about violence against women.  Over 200 countries participated.  1 in 3 women will be raped or assaulted which equals approximately 1 Billion Women.  1 Billion Women abused is an atrocity, One Billion people dancing is a revolution! 

“Dance in a flash mob” is on many people’s life lists.  I didn’t want to just dance in one, I wanted to plan one as well (nobody said I was brilliant).  Fate stepped in and put me in touch with some women who had a similar dream and a reason to believe in this cause.  We got into the planning mode and things just seemed to come together.  Everyone was dedicated to what we were doing and excited to offer their expertise in order to pull off this event.