The truth is I don’t believe it when people compliment me either! I avoid mirrors and photo’s as much as I can. When the unavoidable happens and I end up in a photo, I tear myself apart! I am too fat, I have a double chin, I need to get my hair done, what was I thinking wearing that? The negative thoughts play round and round in my head.
Is there an exact age when this happens? Is it due to peer pressure, images we see on TV or in magazines or words we hear in public or at home? Where and when do we decide that we are not good enough?
The negative words I play in my head, I would NEVER say to anyone else. They are cruel and unhealthy but for some reason I allow myself to say them to me. Would I walk up to someone and say “Your fat, you have wrinkles around your eyes and your hair is ugly”? Of course not, but I say these exact words to myself almost every time I look in the mirror. I’m not sure when this negative talk became acceptable or what the first mean words were, but I wish I could take them back, somebody should have grounded me for being so mean. I wish I knew what damage I was doing to my self-image and esteem.
With awareness comes action, at least that’s what should happen. I know I do these things, I know it is not healthy and yet I can’t stop. I’m not sure how to start treating myself with respect. I need to learn to love myself, I’m not perfect, I never will be but I’m a better person then the voice in my head says I am. Why is it so much louder than all the voices and accomplishments that tell me that I am worthy?
I have always understood “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you”. I need to work on “Do unto yourself as you would do unto others”.