Circumstances in my life have put me in a place I am not comfortable in. I have been trying to hide myself, my feelings and my life from people. I am proud to say that this has not been a selfish gesture. I have been doing it to protect people that I love from the opinions and actions of others in regards to me. There is a whole story that explains this, but I will just leave it here for now.
I have had the most horrible things said about me and the biggest lies. For the sake of others, I have chosen to not respond and try to keep things as peaceful as possible for the people around me. Don’t feel bad for me, this was my choice.
Lately, I feel like I am living undercover. I don’t say what I think, I don’t post much on Facebook and I try to watch every word that comes out of my mouth. This girl who lives her life in the open is all of a sudden completely closed off. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so stifled until the last couple of days.
I met with a lady who’s husband is dying, anytime now. She is moving forward expressing her grief and preparing to do Relay for Life in his honor. At the Relay meeting I heard the stories of those fighting and those remembering someone they have lost. The next day I met a widow who lost her husband 3 weeks ago from cancer. I then visited a very sick relative in the hospital. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I really dug in and tried to figure out what was causing me so much upset.
Light bulb moment- I understand that the most important thing you can do with your life is LIVE each day and when you are not being your authentic self, you are not living! It is time for me to be the person that I am. Say who I am, how I feel and be open and transparent with my life. This is the person I was meant to be. I will do my best to be positive at all times, to give opinions with respect, but I will no longer hide my life just to make others happy. I have A Lotta Living left to do and I need to do it out Loud because that is the person that I am.